okay pat passed out under dana's car
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
