So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
