I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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