textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
