dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
