You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
