I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
