dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
