Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize