It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
