i barfeds in our rink
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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