I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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