Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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