so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
