man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
