Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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