It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and she was petting her beer can
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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