I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
