I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
