We're facebook friends in real life
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
