Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
