I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
two words...techno handjob
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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