in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
