Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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