Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
