My first STD was from a foam party
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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