It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
