It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
