She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
