bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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