I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
