Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
