I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
