just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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