I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't turn off my feet"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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