thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
