I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
