Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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