Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
