Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
