I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
