I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
