they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
