We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
