Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
