I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
