First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
