it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
