That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize