JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
