i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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