I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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