i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
