he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
