went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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