We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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