i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
