guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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