You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this just has baby written all over it
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So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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