His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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