I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you made out with another girl for some wings
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
