You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
