Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
