i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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