So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
