Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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