Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
