I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
